Well, after not knowing what to do with my life for the past six months, and having had it cost me virtually everything trying to regain at least a portion of my battered mind, I may, or may not, have obtained enough clarity to make an informed decision on what to do next.
Whatever the case, I have made a decision on what to do next – a decision that involves returning to the undisclosed part of the world from which I came. I could have gone anywhere, but I don’t still have a bank account open anywhere, so, mostly due to convenience, but mainly out of urgency to do something that doesn’t involve spending anymore time moving backwards in time, I have decided to return to meet the impending winter of familiar territory, after having come back to spend the winter in familiar territory. Now that Spring has just begun.
It is of course possible that I might be dead before the year is out due to the lack of a particular kind of vitamin that fends of depression and thoughts of self destruction, although, I expect I’ll just turn into a paler white skin “European” than I have already become and be mistakenly sold as a pastry while sitting in a cafe sipping on an espresso contemplating the amount of sense that the decision I made to return actually holds.
In any case, I’m about to get on a plane to spend the next 24hr and 20min in a state of flight, with a bonus 5hr and 55 min in suspended transit. This 5hr and 55 min will be good for me – a good time to reflect, roughly half way through the journey, on whether there was actually any sense to be held in my decision to return to where I will sit at a cafe trying not to look like a croissant, thinking precisely the same thing as half way through the journey to get there.
It could just be the second worst decision I have ever made, or trump the decision to return to my country of origin to become the worst decision I have ever made. But who knew. And who knows. That’s the beautiful thing about life. You never know which decision you make is going to be the worst one you’ve ever made. Which keeps it exciting. Except when you reach the point of realisation that the decision you’ve just made is the worst decision you’ve ever made. Then all it takes is a cloud to linger in front of the sun just a moment too long, depriving you of the sort of vitamin than fends of depression and thoughts of self destruction, before…
By the way, I’m sitting in the departure lounge writing this on my iPhone. Mostly due to the amount that I favour my iPhone over my laptop (which, due to its reduced proportions, slid even more compactly into my reviewable portable technology pack), but otherwise due to the fact that it simply wasn’t going to be feasible to maintain operational standards of a desktop monitor in flight. Or in a suspended state of transit. Which is the beauty of life. You never know which purchase you make is going to be the worst one you’ve ever made. And as HP still haven’t come through with a replacement laptop, I’m going to be forced into another situation of having to make the decision of what is going to be a feasible option in regards to what to purchase next. And because the bank is going to be fronting the purchase through the same credit lending department that is being utilised to pay the cost of the (hopefully not entirely crap) hostel I’ll be booking into (as well as almost everything else I’ll be doing in the immediate future), it’s likely to be another cheap and (not so) cheerful purchase that could well end up being another of the worst purchases I have ever made. But who knows?
I should probably mention, at this stage, that I’m looking for sponsors to support me in my travels so that I can be more fully equipped to travel the the world as a (travel)(v)(b)logger, sharing insights into the world around me and of technology that I have, but ideally have not, had to purchase. Also, I should point out that even though I purchased my iPhone, I don’t regret having purchased an iPhone, and that if the iPhone was available as a laptop, without necessarily being a phone, but more of just a laptop, that is precisely the kind of MacBook I would like to accompany me on my travels.
I should also mention, at this stage, that I’m looking for sponsors to support me with portable technology to accompany me on my travels.
I should also probably mention that I’m no longer in the departure lounge. I became separated from an Internet connection before I was able to post the update regarding my most recent life decision.
I am now sitting in a transit lounge, about half way through my journey, contemplating whether or not my most recent decision to return to the sun deprived behemoth of a city from which I left six months ago, is likely to be as highly regrettable as the last decision I made – that being, to return to my country of origin.
While using my 5 hr and 55 min to contemplate this, I’ve been scrolling through my iPhone, looking back at some of that which I have written over the period of those six months in the hope of finding something that reinforces my decision to be where I am currently positioned, and have found some earlier text that I wrote (on my iPhone) but never posted. Something in it alluded to not wanting to be writing at that particular time, and yet there I was, with my iPhone, writing, on my iPhone.
It was a post about friends, and how friends move on, and move, and start families, and forget your name, and who you are, or that you were friends, or that you’re still friends now, and you realise that after you’ve lived abroad for long enough, all the things that allow friendships to move apart, have happened.
There was also something about losing my memory, and having to scroll up to remember where I was up to after having typed out only a small amount of text, and why I would need to do that. The reason being – I was typing on the 4 inch screen of my iPhone. This still being more preferable than not typing on my iPhone.
At that point I went on to say how I would like to point out that I find the iPhone more favourable than other types of intelligent touch screen phones. Not because I previously purchased another type of intelligent touch screen phone to realise this, but because after having purchased an iPhone, I had no regrets about not having purchased a different kind of phone. This was not the case with my latest laptop, which, after having purchased, caused me to realise I should have just bought an iPhone. (I realised this once, and also before, having purchased an iPhone, which, I should point out, I find more favourable in every way I can think of to my laptop, which, if you read my first post, you’ll understand now operates as a desktop.)
I then went on to say I should probably point, out at this stage, that I’m looking for sponsors to support me while I travel the world as a logger – travel logging, vlogging, and blogging about my experiences and encounters with people, places, and technology, and that Hewlett-Packard haven’t, as of yet, offered to replace my laptop, and that even if they did, I’d still favour the iPhone over the laptop. Not because the laptop would be a Hewlett-Packard, but because the iPhone has an operating system that the laptop would not.
I also mentioned having to scroll up a second time to remember where I was up to, this becoming a concern that I should have such a horrendous short term memory as to have to do that, but I seemed at least partially confident, at that stage, that it was due to the burnout and not the early onslaught of the Alzheimers I once considered it might be. Although, at the point of writing this, there seems to be some amount of improvement. I think. I can’t really remember.